Practicing the Rebel Virtue: Finding God in Every Kind of Day
How a 500-Year-Old Practice Was Born in a Broken Body and a Dark Cave
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A Shattered Leg, a Dark Cave, and the Birth of a Spiritual Habit
The Daily Examen—one of the most enduring prayer practices in Christian history—was born not in a sanctuary or a library, but in a cave.
In 1521, Ignatius of Loyola, a Spanish nobleman, was struck by a cannonball while defending a fortress. His leg was shattered, along with his youthful ambitions of knighthood, fame, and romantic conquest. He came from minor nobility and had grown up envisioning a life of heroic achievement. That dream ended on a battlefield.
After a grueling recovery, he made a slow pilgrimage to Jerusalem. But before reaching the Holy Land, he stopped in the small Catalonian town of Manresa, Spain. There, in a cave overlooking the River Cardoner, Ignatius stayed for nearly a year.
He prayed.
He fasted.
He battled despair.
And slowly, he began to awaken.
It was in that cave—through months of inner wrestling and raw reflection—that the Spiritual Exercises were born, including the now-famous Daily Examen. That cave has since become a pilgrimage site, a testament to this truth:
Spirits can awaken—not wither—in times of great duress.
But only if we have practices that help us overcome the grip of anger, despair, ego, self-pity, and spiritual blindness.
From False Starts to Fierce Clarity
Ignatius’s path wasn’t clean or quick. Early in his conversion, he tried to earn God’s favor through intense penance and nearly drove himself to madness. He was devout, but not yet discerning. He didn’t yet know that spiritual maturity comes not from effort alone but from deep noticing—a grace-trained attentiveness to how God is present in our days.
That’s the kind of attentiveness the Examen cultivates.
A Practice for the Edges of Life
Years later, when Ignatius founded the Society of Jesus—the Jesuits—he began sending men all over the world: missionaries, teachers, healers, chaplains. Many would never return home. They would face hardship, dislocation, moral complexity, and spiritual exhaustion.
He knew they needed more than good theology. They needed practices that would hold their souls together.
So he gave them the practice born in a cave: The Examen.
Not a complicated ritual.
Not a rigid framework.
Just a simple, daily way of returning to grace.
A practice to help you see God again—even in hard days, far from home.
The Missionary Who Feels Alone—and the Rage That Could Take Root
Try to picture it.
A young Jesuit missionary in the 1500s or 1600s, sent across an ocean to a distant land.
He’s traveled for months by sea.
He’s cut off from his homeland. No letters. No updates. No guarantee he’ll ever return.
He doesn’t speak the local language well.
He’s misunderstood, physically worn down, often alone.
The people he came to serve are cautious—or even hostile.
There are no maps for the interior life he’s now walking. No mentor down the street. No spiritual podcast or community gathering to refuel him.
Just the silence.
Just the strange land.
Just the creeping doubt.
And in that silence, a whisper begins:
"Has God forgotten me?"
It’s in moments like these that anger and despair begin to take root.
Not always the loud kind.
Sometimes it’s the slow-burning ache of futility.
Other times, it hardens into resentment: toward others, toward God, even toward oneself.
Ignatius knew this terrain well.
He too had been broken—his body, his ambitions, his illusions.
He had sat in the dark, questioning everything, tempted to spiral into extremes.
But something happened in that cave at Manresa.
He began to notice—not just his wounds, but God’s presence.
Not just what had been lost, but what might still be found.
That is why he wrote the Examen.
Not for the safe and settled, but for the weary and far-flung—
the ones who still wanted to find God in the middle of the unknown.
How to Practice the Examen
You don’t need anything fancy—just quiet, honesty, and a little time. Below are five steps to help you enter the Examen gently and meaningfully.
1. Be Still
Take a few moments to settle your body and mind. Breathe slowly. Ask God to help you see your day through His eyes, not just your own.
2. Give Thanks
Look back on your day and name what you’re grateful for—moments of joy, relief, connection, provision. Start with what comes easily, then dig a little deeper. Gratitude helps you begin with grace.
3. Review the Day
Gently walk through your day like a movie. What stands out? Where were you present? Distracted? Anxious? At peace? Don’t judge—just notice. This is how you learn to trace the movement of God.
4. Name What You Notice
Where were you drawn toward love or pushed toward fear? What stirred anger, self-pity, or comparison? What surprised you with hope? Naming these things helps you discern where God is working and where you may be resisting.
5. Respond in Prayer
Talk to God about what you’ve seen. Ask for forgiveness, strength, or clarity. Thank Him again. And then entrust the day ahead into His care. The Examen ends not with pressure, but with peace.
What I’ve Discovered
Ignatius encouraged the early Jesuits to practice the Examen twice daily—once at midday and once in the evening. And when Jesuits lived and worked in community, he recommended they occasionally do the Examen together, to share insights and encourage one another.
While you can absolutely follow a regular rhythm like that, I’ve found the Examen to be incredibly portable. Sometimes I sit down to do it at day’s end. But often, I pause in the middle of a frustrating conversation or draining afternoon—when my attentiveness to God is slipping, or tension is starting to rise—and I walk through the steps right then. Before the reaction sets in. Before the resentment roots.
It’s not just a reflective practice. It’s a rescue line. A way of coming back to God in real time.
You can also share this practice with others. Invite your small group, spiritual friendship circle, or Bible study to try it together one evening. The Examen doesn’t just help us return to God—it reminds us we’re not doing this journey alone.
This Week’s Practice Tool
A printable guide is available for paid subscribers:
📄 Practicing the Rebel Virtue: A Daily Examen of Enough
Includes journaling space, reflection prompts, and one added question to help you name any anger, frustration, or grievance that’s quietly shaping your soul.
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