A Rule of Life for Families Who Want Less Noise and More God

Because healthy homes don’t happen by accident

In the chaos of modern family life, we don’t need another to-do list—we need a trellis.

That’s what a rule of life really is. Not a strict set of obligations. Not a burden of performance. But a framework for spiritual formation —a supportive structure that helps your family grow in what matters most.

If the phrase "rule of life" makes you uneasy, you’re not alone. In our culture, rules often evoke rigidity, legalism, or control. But the word rule comes from the Latin regula—meaning a trellis. A gentle structure that supports life and growth.

A rule of life isn’t about getting your act together. It’s about making space for what’s already true:

God is present. Grace is available. Formation is always happening.

The only question is: What are we being formed by?

---

🌟 Why This Matters (More Than Ever)

Dallas Willard famously wrote:

"Everyone receives spiritual formation—just as everyone gets an education. The only question is whether it is a good one or a bad one."

Every family already has a rule of life.
The only question is whether it's intentional or accidental.
Forming wholeness—or hollowing it out.

• Every rushed dinner or distracted bedtime is forming something.

• Every screen-glow at the table teaches something about presence.

• Every Sunday choice sends a message about what anchors the week.

In a culture of default rhythms, we’re invited to choose deliberate formation.

---

📚 What the Spiritual Guides Say

In Crafting a Rule of Life, Steve Macchia defines a rule as:

"A holistic description of the Spirit-empowered rhythms and relationships that create, redeem, sustain, and transform the life God invites you to humbly fulfill."

Pete Scazzero, former pastor of New Life Fellowship in Queens, made rule of life a cornerstone of his church’s discipleship process. In Emotionally Healthy Spirituality, he notes:

"Without a rule of life, we drift. It gives us a way to pay attention to God in everything we do."

His church helped members create their own personal and family rules of life. Not adopt someone else’s. This wasn’t a class or a conference—it was formation. And it was transformative.

Most churches offer programs. Few offer rhythms.
Most teach doctrine. Few teach a structure for grace.
And it shows—in the exhaustion, anxiety, and spiritual disconnection so many believers feel.

---

🏀 Even the Greats Have Rules

Stephen Curry—arguably the greatest shooter in NBA history—doesn’t wing it.
During the season, he takes around 300 extra shots after every practice.
In the offseason, that number climbs to 500 shots a day.
Over 15 years, that’s more than 2.5 million practice shots.

Or Yo-Yo Ma—arguably the world’s most beloved cellist. He still practices scales for hours. Not performances. Not compositions. Scales. Because excellence is rooted in rhythm.

Einstein worked formulas daily—long before publishing breakthroughs. The pattern preceded the insight.

Consistent rhythms shape greatness.
Intentional practice shapes depth.
Why would we expect soul formation in our homes to require any less?

---

💡 Grace Is the Soil—Rule Is the Structure

Let’s be clear:
A rule of life isn’t about earning anything.

Grace is not opposed to effort, as Willard said.
It’s opposed to earning.

A good rule of life doesn’t compete with grace.
It channels it.
It’s a way of cooperating with the Spirit—not striving for control.

In our own home, one of the most life-giving rules of life emerged not from a long plan, but from a single season: Advent.

For the four weeks leading up to Christmas, we slowed everything down. Each night, we made space—no screens, no events, no pressure—and it became the highlight of our day. We lit a candle, read Scripture, made simple crafts, and told stories. It wasn’t complicated. But it changed the tone of the entire season.

The impact lingered. Our kids—now adults—still talk about it. Better yet, they’ve created similar rhythms in their own families.

A more detailed version of that family pattern—along with how it shaped us—is coming in tomorrow’s storyform post. But I share this glimpse now to remind you:

A rule of life doesn’t have to be grand.
It just needs to be grounded.

---

🚀 Support This Kind of Space

💡 This work is slow, handcrafted, and grounded in spiritual formation—not content churn.
If you believe there’s a need for quieter, deeper spaces like this online—places where Christian formation is taken seriously without being loud or angry—your support matters.

👉 Become a paid subscriber to sustain the work and receive weekly tools for deeper living with God.

---

📍 Where to Go Next

I’ve created a downloadable Family Rule of Life template to help you take this from idea to practice in your home.
It includes sample rhythms, reflection questions, and space to shape your own family pattern over time.

☕ Try This Tonight (A Simple Starting Point)

This isn’t the full tool—just a gentle place to begin.

Choose one simple moment—bedtime, a meal, a quiet conversation—and ask:

• “What’s forming us right now?”

• “What kind of family are we becoming?”

• “What kind of family/marriage/home do we want to form?”

Not to fix or judge—just to notice. Because noticing is the beginning of all formation.

If this small moment resonates, the full printable Rule of Life guide offers deeper questions, examples, and space to shape your family’s rhythms over time.

---

🔓 For Spiritual Formation Leaders

This tool has been adapted for mentoring cohorts, retreats, and parenting groups. You’re welcome to use or modify it to help others build intentional rhythms in their homes and hearts.